I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
