I heard we made out
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
