i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
