last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
