ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
