Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
