You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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