i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize