where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my poor anus
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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