I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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