isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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