Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
