Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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