I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
