I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
