I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
