Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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