I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
