i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
