Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
