dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
