i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
