Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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