Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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