Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I believe in your delicious
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
