oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize