I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
