i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
