How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
