Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sarcasm needs its own font
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
