I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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