nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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