Kiss
Puke
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
