Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
