if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
