her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
