My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
