Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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