The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
50% drunk capacity currently
my liver is dry heaving
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
