So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize