Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
vagina is talking i cant
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
