the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i already hear my dad disowning me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
