last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
