you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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