I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
