I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
