just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
