I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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