chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
