that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
