apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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