wakey wakey hands off snakey
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
