i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
