Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
