either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
