White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she smelled like a LAN party
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
