Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
