allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This girl is more easily done than said...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
