did you get engaged???
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
