i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
