oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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