Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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