My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
