That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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