I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
