Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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