i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize