oh god the rape fog is back!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
