i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
