Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
