wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
