i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
