party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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