I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nobody cheats on THIS.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
