K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize