Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
