the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
