just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
