Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
