she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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